What is happening.

I don't know whats happening.

I need to set my priorities straight.

I want everything, but I also want nothing.

I need to get the fuck out of this whole and continue seeing the bright sun shine with the wind blowing in my hair and say "Fuck you, I've moved on."

I don't want to care about this. I don't need this either.

I don't want to care, I don't want to see this, I don't want to be around this but its inevitable.

Always giving, never receiving. When does someone know when to give up or continue believing.

Lol, why does it seem like I keep questioning shit. I shouldn't even come down to this point where I'm considering all aspects of my life that are important to me turning upside down.

I want to rip that shit up. I want to do this over. I wish I never even got involved.

Wow. I just thought of someone else. What the fuck happened to you. I constantly try and I'm shot down every time. I don't know if I should give up on you .. or just wait for you to come to me because its been like that already for all these years. I know you're feeling like shit and I want to be there for you but you won't let me. Hey, I'm feeling like shit too, why can't we be there for each other instead of like those times when life fell apart and we were distanced away from each other. I'm glad I saved you that day. I thought our bond was more than that. Isn't it? Do I have to explicitly ask you if you care about me? I know you're going to say yes because why would you say no? I hope you're doing well ... even though I know you aren't. I want to see your face. I want to talk to you. Funny how this is only one case.

Who else to rant about. Okay. You. Why are you turning your back on us? You gave me some bullshit reason saying, "Oh sorry, I've been hanging out with them lately so blah blah blah." What? What the fuck. That has no relevance to what happens between us at school because they don't even go to our school. What the fuck happened on Saturday?

How shitty can someone feel when they think they're loved by their friends, realize that everyone is already occupied with someone else, kicked out of their seat, leaves everyone with tears in their eyes and .. wait what. I don't even realize what I typed. I'm not going to even bother backspacing. I looked you in the eye, hurt inside. I really was hurt. You don't understand how hurt I am from your actions/looks/words. You too. Another person. Even though I know you didn't mean to hurt me, your look made me feel like I was someone you looked down on.

Okay. Back to you. I looked at you in the bus, about to cry and everything. I wanted to cry right there. I tried so hard to hold it in. When I couldn't hold it anymore, I turned around, left, and then the tears came. Sad thing is none of you even noticed or bothered to CARE. What the fuck man. What kinda fucking friend just leaves her friend. Also, he said that I was here. He announced that I was here and instead of giving me space in the circle you fucking closed that shit up. I don't know what to do. You gave me another bullshit reason that you're tired and cranky. Oh yeah? Then why the fuck are you sucking up to the other two seniors. You're being their bitch and everything; you might as well just suck on them and call it a day or something.

Yeah. I'm hurt. All this shit Im typing is cause I'm hurt. I'm hurt. It does matter to me because you're really close to me and you matter. I care about you. I care about what you think of me. I care about our friendship. I just care.

Look. I'm being forgotten, again. Funny, this isn't the first time, second, third ... maybe its the fourth. Haha, I can foresee the future already. I see the fifth. I warned you about this and its happening anyway. I was straightforward but apparently thats not enough.

I want to cry, but I don't want to cry because you guys are the reason why I would. I wish I could end up not giving a shit about you guys but it doesn't work that way. I ripped up your name. I should write the others and rip up their names too. I don't want to go to school tomorrow.

I need an actual, forreal, true friend. Fuck.