My dad thinks I play games all day long when actually today I've been reading shit on cnn, times and nytimes. He's like, " I KNEW YOU WERE PLAYING GAMES WHEN MOMMY AND I WENT ON A WALK." No you fucking shit sir, I was lying down in bed looking at my book. He complains how I don't do shit in the house but what is there to do... I'm not going to go wash some windows just cause they're there and not even that dirty ... sweep the floor? Thats already been done. Cleanout the bathrooms ... no need. Wash the dishes? I do them when I can/ if my parents haven't done them already. VACCUUM? K well, I don't really have chores but .. sometimes I dont' feel the need to just do this things just cause I can. Its just like .. I can go clean out the yard if I wanted to but am I going to do that? No, not really. If my parents asked me to sure but .. no ? They don't even do that so why should I. Thats a bad way to look at it but still.
I do laundry at least. I do trash too. What else am I supposed to do. My dad just complained how all I do is stay in my room all day long and they don't know what I'm doing. YEAH OKAY, YOU AREN'T IN MY ROOM 24/7. Shut the fuck up. My dad's like, "Oh you should go downstairs when you're studying so we know what you're doing."
Okay first of all, when you guys are downstairs the television is always on and I always get wrapped up in whatever you're watching so thats a no. I also don't like the uncomfortable chairs downstairs nor do I want to bring all my textbooks/paper/other materials downstairs just to bring them up again. When I"m studying or working on homework, I tend to have a lot of papers or whatever I need spread out everywhere so whenever I'm working, my desk seems kind of messy, but I know where everything is.
Second of all, I used to go downstairs and do my homework but you guys are always upstairs and then once I go back upstairs, you guys don't even realize I was downstairs studying. Whats the point. I have my own room for a reason. Its called my room. I can't even lock my door cause you guys won't let me but if I could I would so yourbitchass wouldn't come barging in and then annoying/pissing me off .. okay, I have a bad habit of getting really irritated when people barge in while I'm trying to do homework, and then TELLING me to do homework when I clearly am/have been already. Its annoying and not necessary. Funny, I wrote an essay about my parents bothering me freshmen year with my hardass English teacher and I actually got an A. Aha.
This is so frustrating. My dad's like, " I don't want to tell you these things blahlfjksdfjlfakfdksjfsf." I'm still wondering if I'm at fault for not being more productive at home like .. being a Cinderella and cleaning up everywhere and doing everything .. and then like.
Lolshit.
Its hard to clean up in my house too sometimes because my house is already always really clean. Everyone in my house (Dad,Mom,Me) always clean up after ourselves ... never leave a mess ... yeah.
Sigh.
Yesterday my dad was scolding me and then mentioned how I'm the type of daughter who won't come back home after I graduate or... go about in the world. Whats ironic is that I've always told myself that after I"m successful, I'm going to go repay my parents and give them things they want and come back home and shit like that and now my dad is like OH YOU'RE AN ANIMAL BARBARIAN WHO WON'T EVER LEARN OR COME BACK HOME TO YOUR PARENTS erlksjdfkdjfdsf.
Lol maybe I won't now that I think about it. I feel like I'm suffocating and being pushed against a wall. I wouldn't say hatred is forming but I just feel so like ... fine, if thats the way you think I'll just DO that. My parents really think lowly of me sometimes.
Like at lunch, sometimes I don't eat what my mom packed for me or something because I"m too busy studying in the library or something .. and we aren't able to eat in the library.
Yesterday, after lunch, I had AP Bio meaning I had a hugeass test so ... couldn't eat in bio either? I come home and told my mom I didn't eat my lunch and in the most sarcastic, nastiest tone she's like, "Oh what did you go buy and eat something else?" and I was already tired/fedup/frustrated/pissed at my entire day and the night before because my mom fucked up my study period so I retaliated and just yelled back at my mom.. Then my mom started yelling back, we fought. Then my dad joined in, Dad & Mom VS Jackie. Yeah.
Lol this reminds me of the time in 7th grade where I was actually diagnosed as a depressed child and my parents would always scream at me how they should've never raised me because I'm useless and just a burden and that I should just disappear.. Yeah well, back then I did. I thought maybe I should disappear, wouldn't I make their lives better?
This idea popped up in my head daily:
The people who brought me into this world will be the exact reason why I'll leave it.
Goodshit.
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