Edit:
This is unbelievably a retarded day.
----------------------------------------------------------
So apparently when I thought something was up with my main group of friends at school ... I was right.
So I had been feeling lonely and excluded by them .. I was going to talk to two of them but they kept brushing me off by saying oh, they had to go ________ and that we'd talk later. Bullshit, never even asked again. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with the because I can easily hang out with others. I feel like a follower sometimes and that's absolutely something that I can't tolerate. I feel horrible ... There aren't supposed to be any followers/leaders, we're just a group of friends. Even though we have flaws as a group, we normally still work with it and things are okay in the end ..
For example, it seems like there's always someone left out/behind in whatever we're doing.. its not deliberately but shit, what happened to me sure was.
So .... I had gone on someone's facebook to check pictures in my friend's album and I came across this picture ... it was my main group of friends all at this get together thing, all fancied up, dresses, makeup, hair, errthang. So I'm like , "Wut, What's this?" ... I found some other pictures and then went to ask one of my friends to see if they knew what was up because they weren't in any of them.. and she's part of the friendgroupthing. She said she didn't know since she was studying for SATs and she just wasn't notified.. K well, I sure as hella wasn't notified as well.
So I ask one of my friends a question that I had already asked her to see if she'd tell me straight up or sort of dodge the question. The Monday we had come back from Halloween, I had asked "E" and "G" what they did on Halloween. They responded with "Oh I went to a friends house" & "I went trick-o-treatin." I didn't realize it at the time but uh ...
So I found pictures on Halloween and it was with "E", "G", and "L". I'm sort of like ," What the fck? People got together and I wasn't even aware?" Seeing their smiling faces with each other, camwhorin` .. and i'm just like wow okay .. I wasn't even asked nor did anyone mention ANYTHING to me. I couldn't have went anyway, but the fact that the friends that I thought were my "good"/"besties" didn't even bother to ASK ME hurt. I looked at more pictures and just felt even shittier.. So I had mistaken two of the pictures as one event but they were actually two.
One event was on Halloween and another event was for "L"'s birthday. Okay so what I just realize now that's ... what the fck is that I asked her if she was having a party .. her mom said probably not so I was like aw okay, thats cool. Its her 16th birthday too.
I found that pic and today asked my friend what it was ... she said it was L's birthday and I'm like LOLWTF? SHE HAD A BIRTHDAY? AND I WAS NOT NOTIFIED? okay I might sound like a shit for being like, "Aw wtf I wasn't invited QQ," but ... okay she's supposed to be one of my good friends, someone I see everyday and we're always like LALAAL!! .. we used to be much closer until this incident where she lied straight to my face after I asked her if she would ever lie to me.. I'm not going to even start talking about her because she's a straightup-bad-person to be around. Shit, I don't need these people to bring me down. My friend that I was talking to today asked me what I was doing with these type of people that obviously don't care.. Am I wasting my time? Shit I sure think I am.
So, now I'm irked and I'm not the type of person to just let things pass by like this, especially if I've been feeling lonely and like shit for the past 1 in a half months ... so I'm probably going to go to L tomorrow and be like, "So why didn't you lie to me about your birthday and why wasn't I informed?" .. I feel like I'm not mad or.. upset that I didn't go.. but someone I thought who was close to me apparently wasn't.. And the thing is , everyone at the party DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME anything. Like what the fuck, what is my presence nothing? Did no one notice I wasn't there? If thats the case then I'm done, fuck you guys. You use me, i'm going to use you right back. You're just going to be everyday friends who I just see at school, I'm going to be done, I'm going to be through. I don't' want to waste my love and care for the type of people who are taking me for granted and obviously don't give a shit about me enough to even NOTIFY me about something that involves everyone.
Also, another case ... So in English Honors, we have a satire project due this monday .. I've been asking oh, how are we splitting into groups etc.. everyone has been dodging my question and I"m like ay, lets figure this out because this is due on Monday.. so no one has told me anything .. and everyone's just like, " Oh I don't know , we haven't even started, we don't know groups." Then after I kept pestering one friend, she finally says that oh, she'll probably be in ___ & ____'s group and I'm like lol okay should've told me 2 weeks ago when I asked so I wouldn't keep hoping to be in your group.. So then I don't know what the fuck everyone else is doing but shit, not going to wait for them .. Someone asked me today to be in their group so I'm like HELLYEA, LETS GO. Got the recording done afterschool today ...
Friends. What are friends, can someone clarify? I need to decipher who are my real friends from fake. I'm tired of this bullshit. I hate feeling sad so I'm going to do something about it. I've been trying to be happy for all the times I've been sad and you know what ... I'm not going to continue being pushed around and forgotten. I'm fucking Jackie, okay, I'm no pushover. Just say shit to my face instead of dodging the bush because you're wasting my and your time.
Okay, so I guess I'm going to L tomorrow and confronting her. I don't want her to smile at me everyday and put up a front or something, shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment